Ok, so here's the deal...

So, let me paint a quick picture for you to help frame this unfolding insanity. I am a genuine fat kid at heart. Nothing makes me happier than a package of double stuffed oreos, a 1/2 gallon of skim milk (it's kinda like getting a #1 super sized at McDonalds and ordering a Diet Coke), and a couple Golden Girls rerun episodes on Lifetime. I constantly joke that I run when chased and I (no joke) received negative comments on my report card for talking too much and trying to avoid activity in gym class. Ask Little Elaine...she'll dig into the archives. Bottom line: my genetics, comfort habits and general laziness when it comes to physical activity have set the stage for a maelstrom of fun, struggle and sarcasm.

In September, I went and visited Dr. Konstantelos at Northwestern for my physical. Now, let me set the stage - he is a very attractive, very fit, very honest doctor. Most people would shy away from such a person, I find myself gravitated towards the truth (and, let's be honest, he's easy on the eyes). Cut to me weighing in at over 200 pounds, blood pressure over 140 on the top, and a face full of acne. Then, I get asked the dreaded question every fat kid hears and attempts to avoid, "How often to you exercise". At this point, his attraction quickly faded and I wanted to grab a cheeseburger, put my legs in stirrups and watch Oprah. I'm overweight, I get it.

Now, let's talk about clothes, You know it's bad when you feel as if you need Crisco and a shoe horn to get into your already designated pair of fat work pants. Plus, it looks kinda suspicious when you show up to work in the same combination of clothes too close in succession because they're the only ones that fit. I'm overweight, I get it.

So, here we are. I have rolls that could rival Dunkin Donuts and a job offer from Victoria's Secret. Naw, I'm kidding about the Dunkin Donut's part. Seriously, though, I've decided to start this blog for a couple different reasons. I've made some recent changes to my life which have set the stage to focus on my physical and mental well-being. God knows I'm no stranger to the therapy couch, but it definitely hit me that I'm neglecting my own physical health. My hope is to paint a picture of this journey the only way I know how: a dash of honestly, a pinch of sarcasm, and heaping spoon fulls of raw commentary on life's grandeur and absurdities.

My goals, you ask? Well, you will quickly tell I am a fan and major proponent of Weight Watchers (not a paid endorsement though Jenny Hudson and I did chat briefly and agreed it was best for me to plug WW in my maiden post). According to the fine folks at WW, I should lose about 35ish pounds, putting me about 165. Good news, Dr. K. agrees and it's my goal to do it by September. I also was suckered into running the Chase Corporate Challenge on the Office of the Secretary Team at DePaul University, my employer. It's a 5K, my friends, get ready for a shit show. I also have two weddings for my two BFF's this summer, both of which I'm walking down the aisle. I'll be damned if the bride's the hot one...

Why blog? Why not. I'm taking a page out of the Lauren Sanchez play book in hopes of entertaining. With any luck, she'll find a man and I'll be skinny. Then, maybe we can trade blogs and life will be great! Plus, apparently people enjoy my random-ass Facebook quotes, so now you get a somewhat daily blog to read!

Here it goes...